Just get it done, get over it, move on, that’s in the past and many more “helpful” things people will say to make you feel better about what has happened in life. But what if I cannot just let go and move on? We humans are programmed to love one another and care for life but some humans just got created with shit ingredients and no moral compass; let’s be real!
For me letting go or moving on or just leaving the past in the past is hard. That past is what has created what I have become and who is that I haven’t figured out yet because I am still grieving a huge loss. Losing your family for no reason other than they refused to give you a chance and listen to you but instead they take their own assumptions and create chaos with it is critically detrimental to the mind, soul and heart. Sure we can play the he said she said game but some words cannot be taken back because words said in the heat of the moment are always TRUE TO THAT PERSON HEART! Knowing how they really felt about me crushed me and the day after the chaos I was numb. A year after that chaos … still numb. I want to be angry but I’m furious. I don’t want to be sad but my soul feels broken and empty. At the end of the day we will all day with the same last name but that’s all the connection left.
Can I move on enough to entertain a conversation? No I don’t think so. The pain caused was immense and I gave up the responsibility to forgive. I gave that task to God himself for it was his words that were violated when it comes to loving your family and others. Even Judas was forgiven for his betrayal but here’s the big difference… I never betrayed them. I just got more sick.
As I continue this roller coaster of health complications I get angrier because I want to be healthy but can I be? I want to be happy but is happiness even real or a concept? A lot of what we feel is just the pain clinging to us like white on rice. But it takes time to move on and get over it. It takes time to pick yourself up from the floor to see the sun. I may not be moving at the greatest pace but I’m trying and will continue to try ….
Now I have never been a person for poetry but I have a short one to share that I hope connects with some … see below “Get to it”
- Mara
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